I should be doing 3 other things instead of writing here. But I will politely invite words like "should" and "have to" to gently go towards having a cup of lava in Hell. And I will write here. 

I started my yesterday evening with a visit to the doctor. 

I cured my follow-up bad mood with shopping for dresses and with drinking ginger-mint tea with a friend, in a hipster cafe, downtown Vienna. We talked about different things, like we always do when we meet, like the first time we met and talked for 3 hours, while the people around must have thought we are old friends.

We talked about happiness, adventures, family and friends, we joked about the future, loneliness and uncertainties and we ended up travelling with the subway, on our way to our homes, with him making fun of me for taking the tram for 2 stops instead of walking. 

As if walking alone in the night is my favourite thing in the world. 

But I did it. The tram was coming in 12 minutes, so I decided to walk, even if I somehow feel afraid of doing it, after almost 10 years since that bad memory occured downtown Bucharest.

I liked it. I walked 80% of the way 2 metres behind a tall brunette guy, who was walking a small cute white dog, which was turning every 14 steps to look at me.

This morning I decided to walk a little instead of taking the tram. I was already late for work, but since my schedule is more or less flexible and my colleagues + manager are the best ones anyone could wish for, I considered there's no need for me to be stressed on such a rainy Thursday morning.

Now, Vienna is not the greenest city you could live in, so most of my way to work is full of concrete and artificial things. 

As I was listening to my morning playlist, I found myself smiling while I realized that since autumn came and the leaves started falling, I guess no one bothered to clean the sidewalk  in my neighbourhood. This is how I found myself walking on a carpet of leaves in all colours......

........realizing I finally learned how to enjoy Autumn. :-)

There was once a short story about freedom, which was obstinately bitch slapping people in their faces every time they forgot how she tasted.

I don't know the whole story, since I am too tired to think of writing it now :-). Like from all good stories, all I need to remember is the main idea, so I won't waste time recreating the fantasy in between.

So since I whispered the magic word (=tired) and thanks to stalking my favourite stalker, let's just close them eyes and think of dreaming, while falling asleep on this:

...that created that damned grey.

As I'm flying quite often lately, I obviously have time to think about different things - even if before I had the opportunity of doing nothing, I of course wasted that precious time doing something.

Different things, such as: starting from the idea that a person denying their roots denies a part of their identity and ending with a whole speech, that I forgot as soon as the plane hit the ground.

Or: listening to weird music during a late flight, when the aircraft is just partially illuminated, leaves you space for even more over-thinking and over-analysing. 

Not thinking at all from time to time would be a welcomed relief, but we shall have time for peace later on.

Today I found this video, of a guy who crashed with the plane in the Hudson river.
Initially, I was just curious to see what it would be like to go through such an experience, but after listening to the guy finish his speech, I realized I am already considering the first 2 things he mentions. And I did this even before I got to go through such a shock...while for the 3rd, I already know I will be a kick-ass parent. So, happy Birthday to me, seems like I am not old for nothing. :-)

I 

Some music in my headphones, if you please:

I dreamed about becoming a dancer since I was 8 - 9 years old. 

But I didn't tell my parents about it, nor did I push myself enough to do it. So first time I stepped in a dance class it was already too late for me to be able to make a career in dancing. 

Note to self: If I ever get to have children, I will encourage them to tell me what are they dreaming about. Most of all, I will encourage them to dream and to never stop believing that dreams do come true, even if sometimes the necessary workload might be more than what other dreams would require. 

I lost so many things so many years, just because I was afraid or to shy to ask for them.

Now I still look at videos like the one below...like that 8 years old little girl used to watch a Russian ballet show on a black and white TV, dreaming that someday she will be the most graceful swan on the lake. :-)